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But its hard to get your head around magic when you don't really want anything. I don't want to banish in my space so as not to disrupt the other things that are there, and I don't want to summon or invoke anything for fear of bothering them, and I don't want to ask for things or spell for things, but to be so small as to vanish and to turn into a sound wave and be nothing. I suppose I want the pleasure of ritual for its own sake, which I very much enjoy.
Another key problem I have is that my husband has, not unreasonably, set some Rules about summoning, but I'm finding them difficult as basically my attraction is to weird things. Things you shouldn't summon. But that's where my attraction is, and I keep getting stuck in this circle of - why is this what you want - is this a call, or is this your ego saying something - how dangerous would this be, really - does this fit inside of the rules - and what would be the purpose of invoking something characteristically vengeful or corrupt anyway, like, what possible purpose could there be for that? Maybe that's what divination is for, idk.
Another key problem I have is that my husband has, not unreasonably, set some Rules about summoning, but I'm finding them difficult as basically my attraction is to weird things. Things you shouldn't summon. But that's where my attraction is, and I keep getting stuck in this circle of - why is this what you want - is this a call, or is this your ego saying something - how dangerous would this be, really - does this fit inside of the rules - and what would be the purpose of invoking something characteristically vengeful or corrupt anyway, like, what possible purpose could there be for that? Maybe that's what divination is for, idk.