Lips unkissed.
Hands un-held.
Sweet Nothings never spoken and caresses never made.
Nothing to hold.
Nothing to lean to.
Nothing to be there for or give support.
How long is it reasonable to wait for a touch, a turn of phrase, the feelings of being alone relaxing a bit? Once hope is defeated and the reality sets in with no warmth to help, it becomes a closed system.
Nothing new. Nothing changed. Nothing but days trailing other days.
I wonder if this can be considered to be healthy, safe – I don’t think we were designed for this.
But lips are still unkissed, hand still unheld, Love still distant and elusive. And the choice is to either live with it all or throw in the towel and end the suffering; which is better in the long run?

Well… I have about a 0% desire to ever do that again, but hospitalization isn’t supposed to be a walk in the park.

My roommate got a bit nervous because last time I got sick it got way critical, so she was all over me like Jowls on a Basset hound to go into the hospital. So was a buddy of mine out in California. When my primary care physician and my nephrologist joined the voting I gave in. It was, in comparison a short stay. Still, hospitalization is never a benign medical practice, so I’ve come out on the other end with some problematic health issues – secondary infections are the modern reality, but they’re also sucky.

I’m not as angsty about this as I’ve been in the past, because I’ve accepted that my health is going to require some attention and course correction moving forward. It’s the reality of having a suppressed immune system.

It amazes me that they’ve got those beds in hospitals with the ability to adjust to any position someone could think of, save a position that’s comfortable. And being in the hospital can do all kinds of warped things to my sleep cycle.

But yes, I’m back loose in the world, so you may again have an occasional blonde blind bad-ass broad sighting.

I’m not working on anything right now, because I want to revisit the last thing I finished and check for things not done up to my standards because I was writing while sick.

And Tuft and Needle mattresses are the total bomb – sleeping on mine, with the Holy Terrier there against me, is great sleep.