haptalaon | (Reply)

From:

I think that some of it comes down to good vetting: I have a detailed questionnaire for people at the point we're talking about dedication.

This is a good idea; esp because the way someone responds to a question tells you a lot about them. Like, "Have you ever been asked to leave a group?" or "Have you ever been the target of an abuse accusation?", one can infer a lot about whether they've grown from the experience, whether they're self-aware about what happened and about the complexity of the situation, whether they're generous to people with a different perspective, etc etc.

In the one situation where I (and others) did actively report concerns about someone, it also blew up badly in our faces (destroying multiple years of good interactions, creating significant fragmentation in the larger community, etc.) Which tends to discourage people from doing it again.

Hard same; it was horrible. Was it worth it? Possibly, but it's hard to tell - the impact on those at the epicentre is hellish.

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Agreed there is a helpful difference between answering requests, and proactively volunteering information. I guess it's having an appropriate idea of who you can, and can't, take responsibility for - everyone is different, and for some that might be "people in my coven" not the whole scene.