Hearth & Horn

Me posting: witchcraft organisations need to be true communities - they need to be built around friendships, they need to be families, networks of care, people who treat each other well and like spending time together

Me ignoring my inbox, ignoring my reading page, ignoring my discord: what is 'emotional availability...?'

Two quick updates:

• Finally have basic pages on the Domains back again - they've not been edited a lot from the wordpress versions but they were a problem gap on the webiste, now fixed
• I've been working on a fun television page which isn't going to be finished for a while, but here is the playlist. Among other things, I just find the quietness of this era of television very soothing, so I can have it on in the background when I'm bored of music. Especially enjoyed the John Betjeman program on churches today, what a deliciously relaxing establishment snoozefest.. The channel is a blend of actual Fen-fiction and documentaries with some more generic, wallpaperesque programming like adverts, weather forecasts and the 1970 election night coverage.

I'm kind of behind where I wanted to be due to the electricity issues at the house. I am the kind of poor which means I've kept every laptop i've ever owned and they're all differently broken, so getting Fen work done is like. Plugging my external hard-drive into my Windows lap (windows lap has no space and is windows), networking my Windows and Linux lap together (linx lap has no USB and is the speed of 15 years old; can't run modern websites), so that I can transfer data from one place to another as needed.

But with the electrics how they are, that blows the fuse and it's a few hours for power to come back and risks fires. So some of the stuff I wanted to do with oomphing up the picture library and getting work on my playlists are on pause.

but the lack of options and extreme boredom of the builders being over - can't really do anything but sit in a single chair with an A4 space in front of me, ready to do lifting at any time and exhausted from boredom and lack of food and sleep and the rest and so many dog crises - lends itself well to getting gruntwork done. Like transferring over text articles - which is time consuming, but not really difficult or effortful. The builders always forget to tell me exactly which rooms need to be empty each day, so there's a lot of surprise!lifting.

(Today, husband needed the loo so he brought the dog home. Poor doggy has been out on 8hr daily walks to get him away from the builders, and he hates it. We attached the dog to the fence outside and he stood on guard, sitting and standing and looking about at whimpering and all in all, in a panic: a new social context? the horror! what is he supposed to do? getting him off the fence was tricky, because he decided to guard his radius. Eventually, i went through the brambles behind the houses on the overgrown path, climbed over my neighbours wall and through their garden to release the lead from behind their wall, attach the lead to a lead with a weight on it and toss it over to my husband. My husband holding the lead IS a context he understands, so he trotted off with no difficulty. Troubleshooting doggy drama is so much easier now than it was, we have his behaviour predicted almost exactly. You just have to design around what you know he's going to do and feel)

I really feel ready to get started on tumblr and recruitment and discord and lessons or meetups, but I'm off discord for personal reasons for a while, and they did a thing with my meds so i am in no fit state to expand. I am a little island. I have no space, time, emotion, care or feeling left for anybody but myself, like I've powered right down and am in maintenance mode until the situation improves. It will soon, I just need to be very quiet in my soul until I can expand. I'm constantly on twitter and reddit but forgiving myself for it: dissociation is much needed, and I cannot be all perfections at once. And the podcast is on hold because of the noise in the house.

I'm not loving the bite into my religious time that maintaining the website consumes and yet, it is an investment in the future. An initial problem Fencraft sought to solve was the difficulty of being your own priest, the effortfulness of that. So with each work I put into building it now, the greater the pleasure of just rereading my own stuff. Like automation. I want an external force to do the labour of my faith for me, so I can just enjoy it. My past self is doing that labour. It feels great when I can get up some writing on my phone to read, as another person might consult their bible