(no subject)

 Incidentally, I'm talking about vodou because I've had my semi-regular vodou dream nudge.

If it was literally anything else appearing in my dreams so clearly and unambiguously, then I'd be over the moon: the long awaited Sign from the Beyond! It's always out of the blue, always parts of the lore I didn't know or care about (ie it's not Baron Samedi who I could have easily picked up from pop culture

But it's this and

I follow at least one white houngan who I really admire - he is extremely committed & thoughtful, and actively practices with a group both in his home state and Haiti. So it's not exactly that I feel like I "can't" or "mustn't". It just feels *colossoly* inappropriate. 

When I first had these dreams I did give it serious thought, and I did a tonne of research; it's still a topic I'm invested in. And what it came down to was:

1. This is clearly an ancestor-centric tradition, but my ancestors are not the same ancestors
2. It's clearly a faith really rooted in the soil/soul of Haiti - I live in London and i'm sat on the bus and it's raining 
3. It's history is so intertwined with colonialism and slavery and stuff, and not in a vague "white people shouldn't wear dreads" way but a "im not sure it's a good idea for me to start petitioning spirits who come from that place, time, context" it would be awkward, possibly dangerous
4. It's community centric, and I don't like people 

I feel like this kind of thought process is missing from the "closed cultures" conversation. It's often expressed as a Rule: "don't do X if you're Y"; but having done the work and the exploration, I feel it's not wrong or bad, but just kinda...meaningless? Irrelevant? Like showing up at a strangers birthday party? "No white people in vodou" is a shorthand for some pretty hefty, legitimate reasons why honestly, no one should really want to anyway. The more I learn about it, the more I get an "ugh - eeek" off the very idea. 

It's like. Not a "closed culture", but there are some rules for entry, and they are necessary, immutable, important, and onerous. Which doesn't really match our religious cultures at all.

I always light a candle for my vodou dream nudge, and it never goes anywhere after that; which can only be a good thing. I suppose, if spirits exist, they exist and there's no reason why some from that tradition shouldn't amble into my space now and then. But im content to keep it as a fierce nerdy interest, because the main thing ive learned about it us, it can't be what it is and simultaneously open to me.

I'm moving to Wales next month, so I'll let you know if Pontypandy happens to have a massive diasporic Haitian community...

(no subject)

 I think vodou has brought up worries about clergy again because the model is so radically different from ours.

A phrase ive been thinking about a lot recently is "servant", as in, Someone who serves the spirits and the people. I've got this new itch to Be A Priest, even though I don't really have anything or anyone to minister to, and this is the definition ive found and liked as one which you can do in a solitary context.

Serving the spirits is, making sure you go out to every sabbat without fail, because the sun won't rise otherwise. It's seeing what you're doing as fundamentally important to *their process*, rather than working around what they can do for yours. I spent a beautiful mabon with the town druid; he had come out at dawn, alone, and he was filling in for the real town druid who was unwell at the time. If I hadn't been there, he still would have come. That's a kind of commitment which, I think, marks your practice as entering the next level. 

Serving the people is I guess where our individualistic minded models of priesthood and power fall down. Books on how to attain the next level usually talk about it in terms of skills and power gained, like an academic qualification or a promotion, rather than an increase in responsibility to others. It is self-oriented, not other-oriented. And even some of the stuff we do -like write tutorials - is...still self-oriented. Or the way we talk about taking on metees, it's often about our needs instead of the needs of others. Or at least, it is when I think of it. Or even beginning to sell services, feels rooted in our need for money & validation rather than it being a *service*. Service doesn't necessarily mean free - but it does need to carry 

I mention promotions because, I think this kind of capital mindset unavoidably underpins our culture and thus how we relate to "becoming high priest". No one would think of a CEO as at the service of his cleaners, and no one really thinks of a king or politician as a servant of their people either. You read blog posts where people say "actually being a godspouse is HARD it is WORK no one should want this",and it reads as the most almighty of humblebrags. Your godspousery drives traffic and attention. It's not for the community or for the god, it's also for you.

I think a genuine sense of "with more titles comes more responsibility" is missing from our framework a lot of the time. And the way to fix it, for me at least, is to approach my newfound Urge To Be A Priest as a constant question of how can I serve. Even if that is doing the dishes. Putting yourself at the service of the community to lift it and its people higher. And trying to be honest and humble about what those around you actually need, instead of what you think you'd like to give them.

One example in my life is, Ive started giving tarot readings again. For a long time, the ethics of this felt skeezy to me and I didn't like the responsibility. I still don't, but when I think of what it means to move through the world in the capacity of a priest, as a servant of spirit and man, then my preferences take back seat. If someone asks for me to read, I will read. 

Or when I think about my new village, and my desire to be the village witch, how can I make that service to my community? That probably doesn't mean reading the tea leaves and looking elegant. It probably does mean volunteer work, showing up for council meetings, showing up for community bake sales, being in the life of the village, being a servant.

Or like, the idea of being a healer could be translated to, getting a first aid qualification, learning sign language, and becoming an accessibility expert. It's less bling - it's underappreciated work, and essential. 

I think the basic idea of "being special in the religion is in fact not good - it is work" is a correct one. It's thus essential to figure out how to do that in a way which actually increases the importance, difficulty and impact of what you're doing on more than a masterbatory level. 

Part of what I see in vodou, at least from the sources I'm reading, is a different culture - and thus, a whole different language and framework for what a religious figure is. I do get the sense of their priests as servants, who do a tonne of daily heavy lifting spiritually and are embedded in the lives of their lay members. It's a very familial religion, and thus the vibe of the leaders is parental - guiding and supporting - rather than what I get off a lot of Pagan leaders, which is rock star/groupies.