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Ritual for Pleasure
30 August 2019 14:34In the sex ed community, the term "sex for pleasure" is used to point to a failing in how we educate. If children are fortunate enough to receive any sex education, they might be taught about contraception, STIs and biology - but not have any idea of *why* they have sex or what they're supposed to *feel* while having it. The lesson is "this is what sex is" rather than "...and this is how you figure out when, whether and how this is a thing you want to do"
The idea of teaching children to have "good sex" is inherently a touch creepy, which is I guess why no one does it. But it produces a lot of teenagers experimenting without really understanding that...sex is a thing that makes you feel good. If it's not making you feel good, or if you feel bad after, or if it's not making your partner feel good - then you stop. And it produces a lot of *adults* who never get the opportunity to learn this either.
I'm thinking today about ritual and about how we teach it in a similarly mechanical way - how to cast a circle, rather than why to cast a circle. More importantly, as someone with a lot of disability, I think a lot about how...on the one hand, my spirituality is a source of joy; but on the other, doing ritual is both kind of a chore, something daunting, something associated with the stress of getting it "wrong", and so on. I'm a solitary eclectic, so it's not like other people will be there, nor are there penalties or strict rules about what ritual ought to be I can get wrong. Still, I worry.
Tonight, I want to be with my gods. I guess I want comfort. I want that ole religious staple of knowing someone has my back and loves me. And because things are so bad, I'm wrecked and can't face the prospect of even the simplest ritual. Just sitting with a candle seems to daunt.
In Fencraft, I've written about the difference between Solar path and Lunar path magic: complex temple casts, sigils, correspondence charts, energy motions and noodliness are Lunar. Solar magic is baking bread, going for a walk, prayer, and sitting in the garden. I made this distinction up for my own peace of mind, a way of saying "this isn't defective or second best magic, it's a unique tradition of magic & just as someone who practices their ceremonial craft will improve and excel, so too will someone dedicated to simple acts of observance develop special insights on that path"
Still, I am still daunted. So perhaps this idea od "ritual for pleasure" is important to - that we should teach what ritual is *for* and how you should feel while doing it, and afterwards. Not just the mechanics. Just like with sex, we should perhaps ask our mentees to observe their experiences. And if that's "stressed during, wrecked afterwards", we should point out they should do things differently (and help them figure out how) so this does not occur.
Like, maybe they're raising energy wrong, or maybe they don't use a ritual form which matches their personal needs, or maybe it's just the underlying message where no one ever told them ritual could be joyous or fun?
I've been doing a lot of work about reclaiming worship and prayer. Worship is a bit of a dirty word, as a lot of Pagans are suspicious of the control and orthodoxy in Big Religions. Still, the kind of rite which says "my gods, I love you. You are so incredible. The things you do are incredible" - are easy to write and profoundly satisfying to experience. Similarly with informal daily prayer: "hey gods, thinking of you. Help me with this today. I'm struggling with these things. But this thing you've done is cool and I trust in you and everything will be ok".
These acts are kinda anathema to a lot of pagan paths, which emphasise personal responsibility and independence a lot more. But the psychological boost of worship and prayer is kinda without equal. I think any time you say "i love you", it makes the world more joyous. I didn't get into Paganism because I wanted the hills to do stuff for me, merely to formalise how brilliant they are and how much I love them. So in a sense, it's strange we don't do more craft like this.
That's one strategy ive found, at least, which makes ritual pleasurable instead of intimidating. And it makes sense: imagine an afternoon spent hanging out with your friends, vs an afternoon where you intend to ask your friends for money. Your whole dress, manner, mood would be different.
The idea of teaching children to have "good sex" is inherently a touch creepy, which is I guess why no one does it. But it produces a lot of teenagers experimenting without really understanding that...sex is a thing that makes you feel good. If it's not making you feel good, or if you feel bad after, or if it's not making your partner feel good - then you stop. And it produces a lot of *adults* who never get the opportunity to learn this either.
I'm thinking today about ritual and about how we teach it in a similarly mechanical way - how to cast a circle, rather than why to cast a circle. More importantly, as someone with a lot of disability, I think a lot about how...on the one hand, my spirituality is a source of joy; but on the other, doing ritual is both kind of a chore, something daunting, something associated with the stress of getting it "wrong", and so on. I'm a solitary eclectic, so it's not like other people will be there, nor are there penalties or strict rules about what ritual ought to be I can get wrong. Still, I worry.
Tonight, I want to be with my gods. I guess I want comfort. I want that ole religious staple of knowing someone has my back and loves me. And because things are so bad, I'm wrecked and can't face the prospect of even the simplest ritual. Just sitting with a candle seems to daunt.
In Fencraft, I've written about the difference between Solar path and Lunar path magic: complex temple casts, sigils, correspondence charts, energy motions and noodliness are Lunar. Solar magic is baking bread, going for a walk, prayer, and sitting in the garden. I made this distinction up for my own peace of mind, a way of saying "this isn't defective or second best magic, it's a unique tradition of magic & just as someone who practices their ceremonial craft will improve and excel, so too will someone dedicated to simple acts of observance develop special insights on that path"
Still, I am still daunted. So perhaps this idea od "ritual for pleasure" is important to - that we should teach what ritual is *for* and how you should feel while doing it, and afterwards. Not just the mechanics. Just like with sex, we should perhaps ask our mentees to observe their experiences. And if that's "stressed during, wrecked afterwards", we should point out they should do things differently (and help them figure out how) so this does not occur.
Like, maybe they're raising energy wrong, or maybe they don't use a ritual form which matches their personal needs, or maybe it's just the underlying message where no one ever told them ritual could be joyous or fun?
I've been doing a lot of work about reclaiming worship and prayer. Worship is a bit of a dirty word, as a lot of Pagans are suspicious of the control and orthodoxy in Big Religions. Still, the kind of rite which says "my gods, I love you. You are so incredible. The things you do are incredible" - are easy to write and profoundly satisfying to experience. Similarly with informal daily prayer: "hey gods, thinking of you. Help me with this today. I'm struggling with these things. But this thing you've done is cool and I trust in you and everything will be ok".
These acts are kinda anathema to a lot of pagan paths, which emphasise personal responsibility and independence a lot more. But the psychological boost of worship and prayer is kinda without equal. I think any time you say "i love you", it makes the world more joyous. I didn't get into Paganism because I wanted the hills to do stuff for me, merely to formalise how brilliant they are and how much I love them. So in a sense, it's strange we don't do more craft like this.
That's one strategy ive found, at least, which makes ritual pleasurable instead of intimidating. And it makes sense: imagine an afternoon spent hanging out with your friends, vs an afternoon where you intend to ask your friends for money. Your whole dress, manner, mood would be different.
