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27 November 2021 23:11Unfinished thoughts about the "self empowerment" undercurrents of paganism, and how to square that with being a person who is quite powerless. Like, the sorts of "outer changes precede inner changes" and the "if you're not actively working towards your better self in the outer world, how can those things manifest in the inner world", and so on.
It's a narrative that speaks to the privileged, to people who can just - move out of their apartment or quit a job or take that time away - but i think someone needs to do important work on reframing it for the disprivileged, so it's not yet another bootstrappy guilt-trip.
What does "be on top of your shit" look like, when your choices are so constrained?
This is, as ever, a gender post; though not exclusively a gender post. And i find it quite difficult; on twitter, say, one is constantly bumping into Americans whose perception of the problem is people needing to be persuaded to take hormones ("just go on T!") rather than the practicality of doing so; and intermittently, I'll have difficult conversations with folks where...I get the impression they're trying to cheerlead my transition, as if I'm not trying hard enough or choosing to stay closeted when i just need to come out already, where the actual problem is being denied the things I need by an implacable system.
It makes everything difficult - your life is in a suspended animation for a long time. I want to join re-enactment groups, but can't until I pass enough to be able to dress as I choose at events. I want to join pagan groups, but I know there will be various pressures there around where I am welcomed. I want to go to queer events, but not like this.
Anyway, I've started reading a book about Feri i was recommended, and I'm reminded of all this. There's a bit in the intro about "being open to inner change" or w/e, let me find the quote - "any individual who can do the work of facing herself may make good of its practices and teachings and transform her life".
I don't really know what the article I imagine would look like or contain; i certainly don't want to reject the possibility of change-through-magic being open and useful to anyone, and on multiple levels. But you know, it's just hard. It's hard when the split between "facing yourself" and "transform your life" is years long, and out of your control, and it undermines the key thesis of practices that center inner-knowledge and self-discovery. So yeah, idk. Open question.
It's a narrative that speaks to the privileged, to people who can just - move out of their apartment or quit a job or take that time away - but i think someone needs to do important work on reframing it for the disprivileged, so it's not yet another bootstrappy guilt-trip.
What does "be on top of your shit" look like, when your choices are so constrained?
This is, as ever, a gender post; though not exclusively a gender post. And i find it quite difficult; on twitter, say, one is constantly bumping into Americans whose perception of the problem is people needing to be persuaded to take hormones ("just go on T!") rather than the practicality of doing so; and intermittently, I'll have difficult conversations with folks where...I get the impression they're trying to cheerlead my transition, as if I'm not trying hard enough or choosing to stay closeted when i just need to come out already, where the actual problem is being denied the things I need by an implacable system.
It makes everything difficult - your life is in a suspended animation for a long time. I want to join re-enactment groups, but can't until I pass enough to be able to dress as I choose at events. I want to join pagan groups, but I know there will be various pressures there around where I am welcomed. I want to go to queer events, but not like this.
Anyway, I've started reading a book about Feri i was recommended, and I'm reminded of all this. There's a bit in the intro about "being open to inner change" or w/e, let me find the quote - "any individual who can do the work of facing herself may make good of its practices and teachings and transform her life".
I don't really know what the article I imagine would look like or contain; i certainly don't want to reject the possibility of change-through-magic being open and useful to anyone, and on multiple levels. But you know, it's just hard. It's hard when the split between "facing yourself" and "transform your life" is years long, and out of your control, and it undermines the key thesis of practices that center inner-knowledge and self-discovery. So yeah, idk. Open question.
