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4 August 2019 10:16Briliant original thread here: https://mobile.twitter.com/datapup_/status/1121104687720218630?lang=en
One concept I have brought into the mix, I would like to share with you.
Lashon Hara comes from Jewish tradition. It's bad natured gossip. Lashom Hara may well be true. However, you're not spreading it as a warning, to discuss what to do, or to inform. You're spreading it for fun, for the sake of a gossipy little chinwag.
You're supposed to abstain from lashon hara. Understand why: historically, Jewish communities have been isolated minorities within a wider culture, a culture which frequently wants them gone or dead. Hence, it's important for the community to stick together and not be harmed by idle gossip.
I think the concept of lashon hara is really wise. I'd like to see it taken on more in queer communities, for example.. Abstaining from lashon hara means trying not to speak it, and stepping away from coversations where you hear it. So this might be venomous gossip about a person, but also a lot of squabbly discourse about labels and inclusion and micro-issues generally. Instead, try and take a big picture approach, be kind to all, and avoid getting bogged down in little shit storms.
I also think my newfound community could benefit from this concept. This week, I've been trying to politely listen - but not get involved in, disseminate, or encourage lashon hara. It's important, of course, to know who's hexing who, siding with who, supporting certain perspectives, etc. Ultimately. These things factor into decision making. However, they shouldn't be a dominant topic of conversation because it's that conversation which fractures communities. When we talk about it, we ought to talk with purpose and intention - not for the joy of having a bitch.
Perhaps a guideline would be: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it constructive? With a focus on the last one. Is this a thing that needs sharing, and now?
I think it's a really valuable approach to both community, and also to protecting yourself and your own mental space. Like, being mindful of what you say and what you hear. It's priceless in...so many contexts, really.
I think the concept of lashon hara helps because it draws attention to how participating in drama is fun, tempting and yummy. Being aware of that is the first step to overcoming the urge. We wouldn't do it if we weren't, on some level, enjoying it. It's seductive. But lashon hara means "i name this behaviour; I notice it; and now I choose to stop".
This is informing how I navigate this community nonsense Ive waded into. Basically, see no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil. I'm going to chat about food, faith, and television. I'm not going to chat about drama. I'll listen politely, and not nag or lecture others if they want to speak lashon hara around me, but I'll try and divert the conversation or leave it when possible. I'm not going to close my ears entirely: if anyone has done anything truly heinous, I'd like to know; and it's helpful to be aware of who hates who. But - it's not my circus, not my monkeys. Especially as a newcomer. And it's not what I want my faith time to be about.
My hope is, I guess, abstaining from this behavior models it for those around me. I cannot help tumblr queer culture being discourse cess pit, for example; but I can determine who I follow, and what I post. I can't stop longterm magical groups from having complex personal situations, but I can avoid participating or inflaming it or by giving others opportunities to perpetuate it. I can create what I want to experience. I can provide the space I want to be in, for others. I was talking about about LH yesterday. And I guess it meant a lot to me that later in the day, someone came over to me and said - "what was that Jewish word?", and we went and sat at the other end of the hall with a cup of tea, kinda watching the gaggles we'd left leaning close and whispering to each other. That's my hope. A conscious refusal to participate makes space for others not to participate. It protects my head space, and contributes towards changing a culture.
And it's something I can do as as a newcomer: setting out who I am and what my values are, and the terms on which I'll participate. Which is part of the process of entering a space already.
One concept I have brought into the mix, I would like to share with you.
Lashon Hara comes from Jewish tradition. It's bad natured gossip. Lashom Hara may well be true. However, you're not spreading it as a warning, to discuss what to do, or to inform. You're spreading it for fun, for the sake of a gossipy little chinwag.
You're supposed to abstain from lashon hara. Understand why: historically, Jewish communities have been isolated minorities within a wider culture, a culture which frequently wants them gone or dead. Hence, it's important for the community to stick together and not be harmed by idle gossip.
I think the concept of lashon hara is really wise. I'd like to see it taken on more in queer communities, for example.. Abstaining from lashon hara means trying not to speak it, and stepping away from coversations where you hear it. So this might be venomous gossip about a person, but also a lot of squabbly discourse about labels and inclusion and micro-issues generally. Instead, try and take a big picture approach, be kind to all, and avoid getting bogged down in little shit storms.
I also think my newfound community could benefit from this concept. This week, I've been trying to politely listen - but not get involved in, disseminate, or encourage lashon hara. It's important, of course, to know who's hexing who, siding with who, supporting certain perspectives, etc. Ultimately. These things factor into decision making. However, they shouldn't be a dominant topic of conversation because it's that conversation which fractures communities. When we talk about it, we ought to talk with purpose and intention - not for the joy of having a bitch.
Perhaps a guideline would be: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it constructive? With a focus on the last one. Is this a thing that needs sharing, and now?
I think it's a really valuable approach to both community, and also to protecting yourself and your own mental space. Like, being mindful of what you say and what you hear. It's priceless in...so many contexts, really.
I think the concept of lashon hara helps because it draws attention to how participating in drama is fun, tempting and yummy. Being aware of that is the first step to overcoming the urge. We wouldn't do it if we weren't, on some level, enjoying it. It's seductive. But lashon hara means "i name this behaviour; I notice it; and now I choose to stop".
This is informing how I navigate this community nonsense Ive waded into. Basically, see no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil. I'm going to chat about food, faith, and television. I'm not going to chat about drama. I'll listen politely, and not nag or lecture others if they want to speak lashon hara around me, but I'll try and divert the conversation or leave it when possible. I'm not going to close my ears entirely: if anyone has done anything truly heinous, I'd like to know; and it's helpful to be aware of who hates who. But - it's not my circus, not my monkeys. Especially as a newcomer. And it's not what I want my faith time to be about.
My hope is, I guess, abstaining from this behavior models it for those around me. I cannot help tumblr queer culture being discourse cess pit, for example; but I can determine who I follow, and what I post. I can't stop longterm magical groups from having complex personal situations, but I can avoid participating or inflaming it or by giving others opportunities to perpetuate it. I can create what I want to experience. I can provide the space I want to be in, for others. I was talking about about LH yesterday. And I guess it meant a lot to me that later in the day, someone came over to me and said - "what was that Jewish word?", and we went and sat at the other end of the hall with a cup of tea, kinda watching the gaggles we'd left leaning close and whispering to each other. That's my hope. A conscious refusal to participate makes space for others not to participate. It protects my head space, and contributes towards changing a culture.
And it's something I can do as as a newcomer: setting out who I am and what my values are, and the terms on which I'll participate. Which is part of the process of entering a space already.
