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Another thing wrt 'if only Pagans put money into infrastructure' is that other religions are shit.

you don't get the building on the high street and the semenary and the bishops and the after school classes and the members of parliament and the little cult village in the middle of nowhere and children being raised in the spirit without the horrors of organised faith.

A religious movement with essentially no worldly power means a religious movement which can do no harm. No unjust laws, no wars, no exploitation of people and land, no forced conversions, abuse of children, 'Jesus came to me and said I need a Lear Jet', no exploiting lonely housewives. In that, I am proud to be Pagan; but it's only through lack of opportunity.

For sure, there are people who do interpersonal harm through paganism; but that should be a lesson against desiring our structures are make bigger - because ultimately the harm we can do is limited to, say, one abuser dominating a coven. But you can just leave. Leaving abuse is never easy, but it's easier when all you have to do is stop going round her house and blocking her calls.

(And even within the limited power our movement has, one harm we should take accountability for is dodgy health bullshit - something that is disseminated by us/in our name)

One way to understand pretty much every decision made in Pagan-Occult-NewAge-Polytheist religions is, as a reaction against Christianity. The answer to 'why do we do things like this?' is frequently 'because I grew up in an ambient religious culture which horrified me'. At the same time, Christianity is also where we learned to do religion - what religion 'ought' to look like. We have to do a lot of unlearning to get into the mindset of like, what does a Viking spiritual life look like, what about that is culturally distinct.

So there's a tension here, of trying to escape a thing you also crave.

(speaking only for myself, I do feel very envious of the glassy-eyed evangelical interpersonal networks, the vision of vanishing inside your religious world into these intergenerational community spaces which become a life within a wider life; like, I want to live at the Three Wives One Husband village. I've seen that documentary so many times. I completely buy into the fantasy of what that community is.

but I stop myself because jesus, you know? I know those environments are nightmares and do nightmare harm, especially to young people. Is that really what we want? Are we so naive to think it wouldn't just be all that plus herbs?

In these times, I try to reflect that what I am longing for is wholeness for other voids in my life, which I imagine meeting through faith, but which actually have nothing to do with the spiritual at all. And historically, this is how they get you. In that sense, I guess I'm pretty lucky I found Satan before some motivated organisation invited me to find Jesus, because I sense that vulnerability within me. Could it be a good thing that Paganism does not have these structures? We must all auto-recruit.)

When I was putting together my Lammastide mix, I was surprised by how repelled I felt by some of the songs I found (I'm thinking especially of Lisa Thiel's Lammas) because they just feel so...Jesusy...but you can't blame people for wanting the kinds of comforts and structures they grew up expecting. In a way, I'm reminded of gay marriage. You can deconstruct patriarchal institutions with your voice by day, and yet long for the big white dress in your heart at night - it's not and never was for you, and still you want to make it yours. Pagans at Christmas is another example.

so yeah, I think it's right to remain a counter-cultural faith, and not long too deeply for worldly bonds; why should we want to be within a world that's Like That, and when we know the evils all faiths create when given the power to do so.

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(when I discussed this with my husband, he also noted that Christianity accomplishes these things because of the high level of integral coercive control. You are at risk of eternal damnation, and to avoid it you need advice from a specialist. This is highly motivating. Can we deliver that level of motivation without the threat?)