(no subject)
22 September 2019 15:04![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
haptalaonI think there's a relationship here to geek culture. I've been in a lot of geek scenes, and you'll meet rhe same 30 people once a week for four years but somehow never get past the acquaintance level with any of them. Geeks competitively talk over one another with esoteric geek knowledge. It's tiring to be around and a shallow way to relate.
(I don't like the term "mansplaining" because, if you notice, it's not a thing men "do" to women. It's just how men talk. It's not how women talk, so when men talk to women there's a discomfort there which starts from mismatched expectations of what conversations are for. But if you ever see two men speak, they both mansplain *constantly* at each other.)
And geek subcultures are especially Like That. One doesn't really talk to people or listen; one takes it in turn to repeat ever more obscure factoids or meme banter which doesn't really add up to friendship. I asked my husband about this, and he agreed and advised that the best way to deal with this dynamic? Was to win.
Anyway, I feel like the same factors cause this behavior to come up in both geek agreed and pagan spaces -outsiders who haven't got got a lot of traditional success markers, but who can compete by having exclusive knowledge etc. You can't win at football, but you can win at knowing the most about Batman. And maybe a certain lack of comfort with people or emotions which make deeper connections difficult. The term Geeksplain has been used, and I think it's an excellent one - Person A explaining something to Person B, without/despite knowing if Person B already has expertise on this subject.
I don't want to win. I dont want to participate. I...dont want that to be the dynamic, because for so many years in geek circles I know that leads to a very shallow, vapid level of friendship, very disposable acquaintances who you can meet for years and know nothing about.
So I've been trying to use my skills to draw people into deeper engagement. questions like, what is their favourite book or animal, or what first got you into Paganism - not your magical CV, but what was that tingle in the spine longing which drew you here. To try and jolt out of that dynamic, and into something interpersonal, a foundation. Until then, though, I'm a little depressed at the prospect of more "men explain things to me" afternoons out.
(I don't like the term "mansplaining" because, if you notice, it's not a thing men "do" to women. It's just how men talk. It's not how women talk, so when men talk to women there's a discomfort there which starts from mismatched expectations of what conversations are for. But if you ever see two men speak, they both mansplain *constantly* at each other.)
And geek subcultures are especially Like That. One doesn't really talk to people or listen; one takes it in turn to repeat ever more obscure factoids or meme banter which doesn't really add up to friendship. I asked my husband about this, and he agreed and advised that the best way to deal with this dynamic? Was to win.
Anyway, I feel like the same factors cause this behavior to come up in both geek agreed and pagan spaces -outsiders who haven't got got a lot of traditional success markers, but who can compete by having exclusive knowledge etc. You can't win at football, but you can win at knowing the most about Batman. And maybe a certain lack of comfort with people or emotions which make deeper connections difficult. The term Geeksplain has been used, and I think it's an excellent one - Person A explaining something to Person B, without/despite knowing if Person B already has expertise on this subject.
I don't want to win. I dont want to participate. I...dont want that to be the dynamic, because for so many years in geek circles I know that leads to a very shallow, vapid level of friendship, very disposable acquaintances who you can meet for years and know nothing about.
So I've been trying to use my skills to draw people into deeper engagement. questions like, what is their favourite book or animal, or what first got you into Paganism - not your magical CV, but what was that tingle in the spine longing which drew you here. To try and jolt out of that dynamic, and into something interpersonal, a foundation. Until then, though, I'm a little depressed at the prospect of more "men explain things to me" afternoons out.
