(no subject)

[haptalaon]

I struggle to concentrate when there's a second person in the house; it's like a kind of chaos static distorting everything. I can't concentrate; I'm unable to do anything or start anything, like I'm waiting to hook onto their actions or hide when required.

I've wondered before if I'm like, "sensitive" or whatever, and if this isn't a problem I could solve with better grounding and shielding. Mostly, I assumed, it's a neurodivergence problem, my necessary patterns being tripped and disrupted by the presence of a second pattern.

My beloved has just started taking anti-depressants. Last night he was making dinner, and he suddenly vanished. There was a silence and stillness in the house. I had to call him over,  just to check he was still there. He was, kinda. But that noise had gone. And the same is true this morning. It is f a n t a s t I c, and clearly also terrible because he's not happy taking them, and because I can sense a huge part of his mind has just been switched off. But somehow, imperceptibly, it's the part of his mind that's been disrupting mine. I can't even begin to understand what is happening here, without recourse to a magical explanation.

Comments

[ilthit]

I feel this, however I live with my wife and child and am resolved to never being able to focus. I get up at 4:30 am to get 1.5 h for myself before I have to leave for work, but that usually gets swallowed up with showering, dishes and maybe yoga. Then I get the commute on the train and that's all the time I get to actually focus on anything. I put headphones on at work in order to be able to do it (and to mess around online like I am doing right now).

I've always assumed it's a neurological thing, whether ADHD, emotional abuse history, introversion; it could be interpreted as part of any of those things.

[roadmagician]

I just went on antidepressants recently and can confirm that part of the mind switches off - it's the part of you that's always screaming.

Or at least, it was for me. I can finally focus on something other that not-existing for a change. While I think it's easy - especially in pagan circles, which tend toward viewing the medical establishment with distrust - to see taking medication as a "giving up". It's not giving up, it's a relief for me. Though I had to overcome the idea that taking medication was "cheating" somehow.