(no subject)

[haptalaon]

The real problem with my coven is feeling absolutely intolerable amounts of gender-shame around them. Because we are all in "costume", I can't help this by changing how I dress: robes and cloaks are unisex, and the men all have long hair. And because it's a vague assembly of people at rhe same space and same time, rather than an ordered ritual, one becomes aware of other participants through repeated familiarity rather than, say, by an introduction. And because my husband is gorgeous, and our patron is gorgeous, and the pair of them look otherworldly when striding across the hillside forever, and I feel incredibly small, left behind by time, and like next to them I've been cast as a sidekick, slightly shorter and less charismatic and less important and forgettable. It's horrible, and it's not caused by anything anyone has done. And it's silly to care so much about how one is perceived; it's kinda vain, it doesn't have any impact on my relationships with people or with the activity we are doing together. But, it does matter and im fed up.