Respecting space

I'm at religious relatives for the week, and it's an odd place to be. Obviously, they have no right to constrain my religion, and me theirs.

But I know that to them, what I do is summoning literal evil entities. And I know too the importance of sacred space, like, even though my relations are not pagan, they've put time and energy into tuning this space to their spiritual needs. I'd feel hella violated if someone came into my house and did certain kinds of practices or invited certain things in.

And additionally because pagan ceremonies tend to be a touch more direct than prayer. I wouldn't mind a Christian praying in my house, but I would if they evoked an angel. But by nature, pagan worship is closer to the latter than the former.

So - it's a tricky one.

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It's also making me think about what I want Pagan practice to look like. My relations are Very Into Their Hobby, so there's ambient religiosity happening constantly around me.

They have a magazine, and a weekly study group for it. They also have educational videos explaining certain Biblical principles, and time spent both in study and proselytising.

Do I want such things?  Kinda yeah. But would it still be Paganism with them? Probably not.

I overhear Bible study, which has prompting questions like "so how can we be God's friend?" Or "how can we get through times of crisis?". As a teacher, I hate those questions. Never asked a closed question of a class. The answer to each is "something something faith something God something trust": it's a performative question. Not a true question. It's not one which admits space for doubt.

At the same time, lack of doubt is part of what I envy other religions for. I'd love to do a Pagan bible study and leave the afternoon with a vague sense of correctness and peace. I'd love to revive a monthly video with directions for study and depictions of how to solve life's difficult questions. 

What keeps Paganism alive is its rebel heart. We're not good at doctrine. We are a proudly multi-faceted bunch, and our complexity and ambiguity is a source of strength. It wouldn't be the thing I love if it had the things I crave. 

I do think often abour prosyltisation. Paganism has always had a strong stance against -likely because we come from societies which have tried to do this to us. I think there's an ambient Christianity in society which makes it easier for them to recruit than us. There's also very real legal and cultural difficulties about converting people to witchcraft: it's seen as sinister in the way a Christian Sunday school is not. But again, we make a virtue of the fact that we are separate, and special, and have been "called" in some way. I think it would be interesting to try standing outside train  stations with leaflets, and seeing what happened. 

Hey I can hear the videos again, about how the end of the world is come. When I was designing Fencraft, I tried including a "future hope" narrative a bit like the hope for Jesus' Kingdom. I felt like a sort of dream was important. It didn't work well, and I think that's bevause Paganism is so radically now. I've always undrstood the witch selling her soul as an admission there is no heaven; thst all we have is now, and must drink deep and take joy in it. A paganism with its eye on the horizon is not what it ought to be.

Similarly, I listened to the video about Christian non-involvement in politics. I have a similar concept in Fencraft about disconnecting from the news; but hearing the video concerned me. We are of and in the world. I do not think we should be apart from.it. The Christian idea stems from a belief in God's heavenly future: we do not need to worry about human kingdoms or what happens to the world, because God will come and fix it. I don't want my principle of Disconnection to be used like that; I want it to be a way to be more radically present in our lives, and that includes voting and fighting for a more beautiful now. How do I re-express this idea in a way that talks about the personal benefits of disconnecting from the 24hr horror cycle of news and noise, but not encouraging an apolitical or neutral stance? It's unclear. 

More than anything, really, I want a beautiful house in the countryside, with big windows where I can sit in the sun and drink my tea in peace.

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 Part of the problem with my faith being so experiential is that I feel shut off from it in times of crisis. It's linked to a selection of altered states, states I can sometimes enter by looking at rhe landscape in the right way -it feels like the opposite of dissociation, a huge too-much-ness, I get giddy looking at the land and sky. 

I can't get there when I'm depressed or too shut in.

And my craft starts with thst radical presence, which includes a sort of daily self care and focus on the simple, practical tasks of life. This is because a religious imperative to do it helps me do it more often. But when I'm deep in despair, of course, none of it gets done. Although my religion is already designed around my health needs, perhaps I need to develop a particular track for when one feels ugly, down, dirty, and too overwhelmed to anything -something responding to that specific mood. 

(Like, I have a lot of simple cup of tea/sit on the porch rites which are already optimised for how sad and dysfunctional I am. But I need something when even thst ia too much, simple acts of connection)

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 But re: politics and religion

It's generally seen as v spiritual to be content with what you have and not lust for money or possessions etc. I think such things are a route to a happy life, a genuine contentment with little or nothing and a trust that things will be ok. 

But such beliefs are very convenient for the world's wealthy, and another route to contentment is having a stable home and enough income so as not to worry week on week.

So...

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 Another rewarding thing about system building is, when I was 7 or 8 in first started having pagan feels in association with a couple of silly things in my life. I never really found them in my work, until.now when I'm building my own thing. And finding that, those things are still very central and speak to me, and now I can enshrine them quite deliberately. 

But it's weird to me that me aged 7 was on the right track; or that I would still be the same person as I was at 7, still drawn by rhe same sources of beauty.